Questions to ask a custody lawyer
This page is a decision tool for hiring and comparing counsel: what to ask, how to interpret answers, and how to run a same-night scorecard. For packet structure and meeting cadence, use working with a custody lawyer. For fee mechanics and false economy, use save money on custody lawyers. Educational only - not legal advice.
Strongest ten (start here)
- Based on my facts, what outcomes are realistic in this county in the next 6-12 months?
- What is the strongest path to the schedule I want, and what facts hurt that path?
- What is our theory of the case in one sentence a judge could remember?
- What evidence do you want first, and what format saves time?
- How do you handle emergencies vs weekly updates?
- What are the next three procedural steps, with rough timing?
- When would temporary orders matter for us, and what would you ask for?
- How do you bill, and what do clients do that accidentally runs up bills?
- What are the biggest risks in my fact pattern that we should not ignore?
- If we disagree on strategy, how do you want that resolved?
Consult economics (evaluation angle, not thrift)
Vague questions buy vague answers, which buy follow-up emails and re-explaining the same facts. A one-page issue list, a dated timeline, and labeled exhibits turn an hour with counsel into strategy instead of archaeology. Tools like MyCustodyCoach can help you produce that packet so you spend lawyer time on judgment, not formatting. This page stays on what to ask and how to read the answers; dollar mechanics live on the save-money guide.
Weak answer patterns (with follow-ups)
Performance confidence
""Courts always side with parents like you here" or "We will make them regret filing.""
Read: You heard adrenaline, not a map. Strong lawyers often sound calm and name risks early.
Ask next: What is the worst realistic outcome on these facts, and what would you do in the first 30 days to reduce that risk?
Slogan strategy
""We are going for full custody" with no discussion of what that means week-to-week in your county."
Read: Labels without logistics are a blank check. You cannot compare attorneys if neither ties words to a schedule.
Ask next: If we cannot get that label, what is the fallback schedule you would propose, and why is it enforceable?
Sunshine-only intake
"Every answer is reassuring; no missed visits, no bad texts, no judicial skepticism named."
Read: Custody cases almost always have a weak fact somewhere. Silence on weakness often means you will meet it first in a filing.
Ask next: What facts worry you most in my packet, and how would we address them before the other side does?
Procedural fog
"No mention of next filings, discovery posture, temporary orders, or timing."
Read: You leave without a calendar. That is how clients buy "confidence" and still get surprised by deadlines.
Ask next: What are the next three court or filing events you expect, and what triggers each one?
Consult scorecard (yes / mostly / no)
Rate each lawyer the same night, while memory is fresh.
- +Clarity: Could I explain their plan to a friend in 2 minutes?
- +Realism: Did they name at least one risk or weakness?
- +Fit: Did they listen and tie answers to my child’s routine?
- +Ops: Do I know next steps, costs, and how to communicate?
- +Trust: Would I hand them a messy fact on day one without fear?
Compare two lawyers after consults
Force a decision on three axes: realism (hard truths named?), plan concreteness (next steps and timing?), and communication fit (can you run this relationship under stress?).
Tie-breakers if scores tie: Who explained tradeoffs clearest? Who named what you should stop doing with the other parent while the case is hot? Who gave a written list of what they need from you next?
Question bank (by cluster)
Use clusters to fill gaps after the top ten and your follow-ups. If two attorneys sound similar, return to the strongest ten and force specificity. Fee tables and false-economy traps belong on save money on custody lawyers, not here.
Case strategy & goals
- Which facts help us most, and which hurt us most?
- What would you want the judge to remember in 60 seconds?
- What does winning look like at the next hearing vs long term?
Best-interests factors
- Which factors matter most here, and what evidence maps to each?
- What do judges in this county actually care about in similar cases?
Process & tempo
- What should the next 30-90 days look like?
- What filings or orders are likely before mediation or trial?
Communication & cadence
- How should I send updates and how fast do you respond?
- What should I avoid saying to the other parent while this is active?
Evidence & preparation
- What documents do you want first?
- Summaries vs full threads: what do you prefer?
Parenting plan craft
- What schedules are workable for this age in front of this bench?
- How should exchanges, holidays, and make-up time be drafted?
Safety & risk
- How should safety concerns be documented without turning the file into a novel?
- What protective steps are common in similar cases?
Relocation / travel
- What standard applies if a move becomes necessary?
- What notice pattern do courts expect?
Enforcement
- If orders are violated, what enforcement path is fastest here?
- What documentation makes enforcement credible?
Fees (high level only)
- Retainer, hourly, billing increments, and what paralegals handle.
- For fee-burn mechanics, read the save-money guide linked below.
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